


ebbing and rising

by turnaround



Series: day dream [1]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M, its basically ranmaru finding out about aine's existence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 23:10:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18271019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnaround/pseuds/turnaround
Summary: In the month of February, Reiji feels down. It bothers Otoya, who confronts Ranmaru for help.





	ebbing and rising

**Author's Note:**

> i probably butchered a lot of canon things, but pls take this fellow reiran shippers

The thing is, when you start noticing someone, you _really_ notice them. You start to perk up whenever the person speaks, whenever they laugh, whenever they move from the corner of your vision, whenever they smile that disgustingly cute smile of theirs—whenever the name Reiji Kotobuki pops up in magazines and shows, and… _shit_ , even in his own thoughts. Ranmaru knows he has it bad, that he has gone from a betrayed band member who had sworn never to get close to anyone ever again to a dedicated member of QUARTET NIGHT giving a huge damn about his obnoxiously cheery band mate. 

Who, on the month of February, gradually looks defeated as each day passes by.

 

 

 

 

 

**ebbing and rising.**

It’s Otoya who phones him in a mid-February afternoon, cutting to the chase and asking if everything is okay with Reiji. (Ranmaru needs a moment to still his increasing heartbeat, which is surely imminent with a mere mention of his crush’s name.) From what Otoya says, Reiji has been more quiet during their meetups, absentminded in their middle of their conversations, and… “Do you remember the time I ran away from STARISH, Ranmaru-senpai? Rei-chan sort of reminds of myself back then.”

Reiji does, and Ranmaru knows well the descriptions Otoya is saying. It had also been around this time last year that Reiji had been exactly as these, and it was on the last day of February that Ranmaru had no idea where Reiji had gone. It was the first day of March that Reiji appeared again, his hands carrying Ai’s birthday present. Ranmaru had wanted to ask about the other’s whereabouts, but questioning would have been out of his usual demeanor, so he made an unsettling conclusion that Reiji had just been busy picking out the perfect gift for Ai.

“S-Sorry about dumping all this on you, Ranmaru-senpai,” Otoya suddenly apologizes. “I could have talked to either Camus-senpai or Ai-senpai, but Rei-chan always talks about you and speaks highly of you! So I figured I could talk to you about this since I didn’t know whom else to turn to, and—” With a heavy sigh, he concludes, “I’m just… really worried about Rei-chan.”

He’s flattered, honestly, that Otoya’s first pick was to go to him about this Reiji matter. Not that it would be much help in the end, since even he had no idea what was going on in Reiji’s head. The guy is very open and generally perky, sure, but he isn’t exactly transparent when it comes to something more personal. Ranmaru is fairly certain that neither Ai nor Camus would have an idea, as well.

To figure things out, it would be easier to use a direct approach. Though that is the last solution Ranmaru wishes to resort to, so he replies, “I’ll talk to him and see what I can find out.”

That is enough to appease Otoya, since he responds with, “I know you’ll be able to, Ranmaru-senpai. If there was something I learned from my experience back then, it’s that at times like these it’s always reassuring to have someone by your side! I’m sure Rei-chan will feel that way.”

He really hopes so. With his underclassman looking up at him like this, there is no room for failure. That is just the surface answer, of course, since Ranmaru is not able to admit that he wants to be the very person to be next to Reiji’s side.

 

-

 

When Ranmaru comes back to the apartment after getting his schedule done, the day after his phone call with Otoya, he spots Reiji sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. He has headphones on, humming to one of Ai’s solos and tapping the pen in his hand rhythmically to the table. He doesn’t seem to have yet noticed the arrival, as he still has yet to turn around to greet Ranmaru back. It isn’t until Ranmaru plops down on the sofa in front that Reiji blinks owlishly at his sudden appearance.

“Ran-Ran!” Reiji exclaims, both surprised and glad to see the friendly face. He removes his headphones and drops the pen besides the journal that Ranmaru now sees. Reiji’s journal of songwriting, he notes to himself.

“Ai and Camus still out?” Ranmaru asks to try and start up a casual conversation. He has yesterday’s conversation with Otoya in mind, wanting nothing more than to just get to the main point and ask Reiji whatever his internal problem might be. But he knows that he would be met with confusion, and that was something he doesn’t exactly wish to deal with.

Reiji nods. “Ai-Ai has a late schedule today, and Myu-chan is filming his movie! So we probably won’t see them until late.”

Ranmaru hums in acknowledgment. Then, right now would be the perfect time to go about with figuring out a clue. Except, he’s awkward and never has been this much emotionally invested in a person before to know how to go about these sorts of conversations.

So instead, he chooses to say, “What lyrics are you working on?”

At that, Reiji frowns. Judging from the disappointment written all over his face, Reiji looks to be having a dilemma. “I haven’t even gotten a single word down!” he answers, dramatically raising his arms and dropping them stretched out on the table. He rests his chin on top as well, puffing up his cheeks and Ranmaru has to bite his lower lip to control himself from the sudden cuteness. “I want to do two new songs, both duets. One with you and Myu-chan, and then the other with… me and Ai-Ai.”

Reiji pauses for a second and it happens so quickly that it could have gone by unnoticed, but Ranmaru has been paying too close attention to miss it. He can determine easily what Reiji is going to say—him and Ai. Except, there is really no reason to stop talking. Unless…

Oh. Maybe this is part of Reiji’s issue? Though it is only a mere speculation.

Ranmaru still decides to press on a little more, just to see if he could get some significant reaction. “Do you not want to with Ai?”

Reiji is still in the same exact position, and generally does not seem to have done much. But Ranmaru notices in that miniscule moment the way Reiji’s eyes widen by a fraction, the way his closed mouth opens up by a small amount. He looks as if he wants to retort to the assumption, but bites back whatever denial he almost lets out and ends up changing his expression completely to reveal narrowed eyes and a teasing smirk.

“What, Ran-Ran. Don’t tell me it’s because you don’t want to work with Myu-chan.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ranmaru scoffs. “We may not get along, but if our fans are waiting for the duets that haven’t happened yet, then they’ll get them no problem. So you better not go backing out either, Reiji.”

“I won’t,” Reiji singsongs, chuckling.

The reason why Reiji has been acting off may not have been revealed, but Ranmaru is content enough with the clues that he has gathered. Overall, Reiji acts mostly his usual self, but there are the little bits of actions that hold gravity, especially the way that Reiji deliberately changes course after Ranmaru’s question. There is clearly something that is bothering Reiji, and it is something that Ranmaru hopes he can be of help with.

 

-

 

“I talked to Reiji the other day, and I think I managed to get something out of him. It might be Ai,” Ranmaru tells Otoya, when he calls a few days later.

“Ai-senpai?” Otoya repeats questioningly. 

There is a mumble that is heard from Otoya’s side of the line, but Ranmaru is still able to hear the “ _Yes, Otoya?”_ Since when are the two usually together, and at this timing? The two seemed to be chatting for a minute, until there is some shuffling and Otoya appears back on the call.

“Ranmaru-senpai, are you back at your apartment?”

“Uh huh.” 

“Okay! Then we’ll be there soon!” 

With that, the call ends. This isn’t how Ranmaru expects to talk about the issue, now that the potential source is personally getting involved. Not that he has much time to mentally prepare himself, because half an hour later the door to their apartment unlocks and a too happy voice rings throughout, “Ranmaru-senpai, we’re here!” Nevertheless, Ranmaru has no choice but to go through with this and hope that nothing goes wrong.

He walks over to the entrance, and indeed Ai is standing next to Otoya as they take off their shoes. But what Ranmaru notices are the plastic bags that they are holding with the words _Kotobuki Bento_ labeled on them.

“We picked up lunch on the way!” Otoya chirps excitedly. “I haven’t had Rei-chan’s mother’s cooking in a while, so we got some on the way!”

“You didn’t have lunch yet, I hope?” Ai adds.

He shakes his head. “Not yet.” 

Ranmaru takes the bags from them, bringing them to the living room coffee table. He starts taking out the containers, and immediately wonders how Reiji is doing. Since their chat before, they have not been able to see each other often due to clashing schedules.

He notices two filled with the special Kotobuki Fried Chicken, to which Ai says when he returns from the kitchen with cups of water for them, “One for Reiji when he returns, and another for us to share. A gift from his mother.”

“Ah,” Ranmaru says. He tells himself to visit _Kotobuki Bento_ personally some time, out of respect.

For the rest of the time the three set up their meal, it is done mostly pleasantly. Otoya hums a tune, that sounds as if still in the works. Ai is his usual self, quiet and collected. Ranmaru tried not to stare at Ai too much, since he does not want to come up with false situations on why or how Ai might be causing Reiji internal stress.

Though now that Ai is really here, Ranmaru cannot do much. He is, admittedly, unsure of striking up a personal problem. If anyone, Reiji was the best one out of them four to converse about such matters and would be the best to deal with them. However, with Reiji now being clearly out of the question, it is up to Ranmaru himself. He had been a people person at one point, back in his old band, but not exactly yet with QUARTET NIGHT.

No. Actually, it is time that QUARTET NIGHT gets over that. Reiji had been the one to make them closer in bond. Ranmaru, Ai, and Camus should not be leaving up to Reiji to keep their band together all the time. 

So, with Reiji firmly in his mind, as soon as he munches down on one of the delicious fried chicken pieces, Ranmaru says, “Ai, we need to talk. About Reiji.”

Otoya turns to him, eyes widened a bit as his chewing slows down. Ai, on the other hand, calmly sets his chopsticks down and nods.

“Otoya has briefed me a little on our way here,” Ai starts to reply, “about how he has been worried about Reiji and consulted you about the issue. Though, I have to say I am curious with how you managed to derive that I may be a part of this.” 

“I was wondering about that, too!” Otoya says.

Ranmaru gives a half-shrug. “I don’t know if I’m absolutely certain about anything. I just happened to talk to Reiji the other day while he was thinking about lyrics for our new duet projects. He sort of hesitated when he mentioned your name. I thought it was strange, so I asked him if he even wanted to work with you, but he changed the subject on me.” 

Ai hums in acknowledgement. His composure remains the same, seemingly taking no offense to the story. But just in case, Ranmaru adds, “Like I said, it’s all speculation. I may be wrong.”

“No.” Ai shakes his head. “I believe you are correct.”

Otoya blinks, surprised. “Really? But I’m sure Rei-chan wants to work with you, Ai-senpai! He really likes you from what I’ve heard from him about you.”

“I’m sure Reiji does,” Ai reassures. “He isn’t one to dislike anyone, especially any of us in this agency. Except, well…” Ai pauses and stares down at the food, momentarily lost in his thoughts. He closes his eyes, takes in a long breath, then reopens them, continuing where he left off, “…perhaps, himself.”

At that, Otoya’s eyes appear glossy. He looks at Ai and asks in a quiet voice, “Why?”

“Do you know the name… Aine Kisaragi?”

Ranmaru doesn’t, but he could already feel the tension of the room getting colder just by the mere mention of the name. It’s as if this name is to be taboo, never to be said within Reiji’s range of hearing; as if Ranmaru would have to start walking on thin ice if he ever had to talk with Reiji about this. 

“It’s… unfamiliar,” Otoya answers for them. “Was that person someone Rei-chan knew?”

Ai nods. “An idol from some years back, actually. You probably won’t find anything about him, however. He never hit the point of stardom, but was someone who was capable of rising to it, I believe.”

Ranmaru narrows his eyes. “Then how do you know about this Kisaragi person?”

“Simply put, I was modeled after him. Made into a robot version of him, under the orders of Shining Saotome.” 

It’s hard to swallow anything, and Ranmaru sees no point in having lunch anymore. But he is still intent in absorbing all that he can about this, and whatever else Ai has left to say. He and Otoya still do not have the full story, but he already understands that this is everything that Reiji has been burdening on his own.

“When I said you will not find anything about Aine Kisaragi, there is a reason,” Ai continues. His tone is steadily growing more serious, more tense. “You two, as fellow idols, understand what the job comes with. Hours of practice and lessons, appearing on national television, back-to-back schedules. The pressure may be overwhelming.”

“Uh huh,” Otoya agrees. “Did… Kisaragi-san feel that?”

“Precisely. From what I know, he could not take it anymore, and thus had attempted suicide by plunging himself into the ocean waters on the twenty-eighth of February. Ever since then, he had been in a coma at a private hospital. Aine Kisaragi was Reiji’s best friend.” 

The goosebumps come to him. Ranmaru wonders, just exactly _how_ has Reiji managed to shoulder this, while looking at a groupmate with the same face as his old friend. Ranmaru himself may have had a time when being reminded of his old bandmates from before he had joined QUARTET NIGHT would bring only horrid memories that would make him become unfocused and moody for the rest of the week. And yet, Reiji had been working alongside Ai for _years_ , and still put on that stupid happy grin of his every single day.

“Guilt,” Otoya voices, faint and hoarse. The pieces of the puzzle are fitting together. “For not being there for his friend under that pressure. That’s why Rei-chan has been feeling down.”

“Admittedly, I didn’t understand until recently,” Ai says, the end of his lips quirking up just a little, “the reason why Reiji would become distant, uncharacteristically quiet around this time. It wasn’t until I had come to terms with the meaning of the word ‘friendship’, from Syo, Natsuki, and the bond of STARISH. When QUARTET NIGHT—Reiji, you, Camus, and myself—created our song _Kizuna_ , I fully understood what Reiji must be going through.” 

And Ranmaru understands, as well. He stands up, resolve building up within him. He needs to see Reiji.

“Ai, do you know where Reiji is?”

Ai looks up at him. It takes some seconds, but Ai puts up a genuine smile. “Ranmaru, you should not bother asking me. After all, you of all people should know Reiji well enough to have a good idea where you’ll be able to find him.”

Otoya looks at him too, and Ranmaru sees the immense trust in his eyes. “Ranmaru-senpai, please go to Reiji. You’re the only one who can truly help him.”

Only one. That’s a big task, but this is something that Ranmaru is set on doing. Meat be damned.

 

-

 

(He should have known from Reiji’s behavior during their Halloween photo shoot.

They had been sitting on two chairs in the far back, waiting for preparations to be done. Nothing was said between them, the background noise of the busy staff members filling their silence. Back then, Ranmaru had relished in the quiet and patiently waited for them to be called. 

But Reiji began to talk, suddenly asking, “Ran-Ran, do you believe in ghosts?”

It was an odd question, but Ranmaru guessed it was somewhat fitting with the Halloween theme of the photo shoot. He took a glance at Reiji, a little curious to see what kind of expression he was making as this question came to mind. 

Except all Ranmaru saw was a sad smile, looking forlorn and heavy. Of course, Ranmaru was going to answer _no_ , because the concept of ghosts was childish and stupid. But the word went flying over his head, and his throat grew dry. He couldn’t find his ability to speak—or, rather, he wasn’t able to talk with Reiji making an expression like… that.

Before he had been able to regain his voice, Reiji let out a dry laugh. “Never mind,” he had said. “It’s a silly question.”

Reiji stood up and turned to face Ranmaru. The ephemeral upset was gone, and was replaced with a new smile—one that Ranmaru now understands was practiced, fitting for a practiced liar. He extended his hand for Ranmaru to take, and Ranmaru had ended up accepting it without clearly thinking through.

Reiji’s hands had been trembling, but gradually stopped once Ranmaru intertwined his fingers with Reiji’s.)

 

 

 

Ranmaru realizes now, on the bus ride to the beach where QUARTET NIGHT had come together to make amends to Reiji and had truly become the group that they should be as one, that that small moment where he had linked his hand with Reiji’s—

—was when Ranmaru had fallen in love.

 

-

 

Reiji is indeed there, standing in front of the ebbing ocean waves. All Ranmaru could see was the other’s back, and he tries to think of ways to get Reiji’s attention without seeming too wanting. 

Thankfully, Reiji seems to spare Ranmaru as he hears the crunching of the sand and turns around. He widens his eyes for a split moment, before letting out a soft, defeated chuckle. “Ran-Ran, I think I get why you’re here.”

(Ranmaru isn’t able to answer right away, because he’s taken aback by the ethereal image of the golden sunset rays shimmering on top of the water, all shining behind Reiji’s beautiful figure.)

Finally removing his mental distraction, Ranmaru answers, “Ai… He told me and Otoya the story of your, ah… old friend.” 

“...Mm. So you know.”

Reiji sinks his head down, suddenly growing awkward. He gently kicks the sand below him back and forth. He’s feeling exposed, Ranmaru guesses, about his personal reason for being uncomfortable with working on the duet with Ai.

Which, really, Reiji shouldn’t feel any ounce of embarrassment over. This feeling may be unprofessional, sure, but to hell with that. To hell with this world.

And, screw it. Whatever. He might as well come clean.

“Hey, Ran-Ran?” 

Except, Reiji begins talking again, cutting off any route for Ranmaru to voice out his confession. Ranmaru really had been meaning to talk, because his stupid heartfelt words better be said at this moment before any amount of regret could rule over his current confidence, but he ends up falling short to Reiji’s sudden speech.

So instead, Ranmaru nods, motioning for Reiji to continue.

 

Reiji turns back around, facing the waves once more. Ranmaru takes that as his cue to walk forward and stand by him. “You know, Ran-Ran,” Reiji says, once Ranmaru is beside him. “I always wanted to tell you that you looked really cool standing on top of the ROCK FES stage.”

When he had sang _ONLY ONE_ , Ranmaru recalls. Hm, so Reiji had been watching as well— Oh. _Oh._ Imagining that makes Ranmaru feel flustered.

“Th-Thanks,” Ranmaru mutters lamely, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck as he tries to look anywhere else other than the man next to him.

He manages to catch Reiji’s lips turning into a smile. “You were shining up there, burning up the audience with your passionate singing and fervor. It was unlike any image I have seen of you before then. And that was when I realized that your past with your old band— You got over it. You’re okay.”

Did… Did everyone just happen to know about his past? Then again, Ranmaru isn’t the least surprised Reiji happened to know. Reiji is the type of person to really research on someone if they perked up his interest enough.

“You became my motivation,” Reiji admits, now his attention faced at the brilliance of the setting sun. “I thought about you when I wrote the lyrics for our duet song _RISE AGAIN_. To me, you’re like the sunrise, Ran-Ran. After my nights of trouble sleeping, I think about how there will be a new day coming, and that you’ll be a part of it in one way or so.

“And especially in this month, I thought about how you managed to get through everything—your schedules now, and your past. I thought, I should follow your steps and do the same. For myself and for Aine. So—”

Reiji turns to him. His smile is beaming with radiance that parallels the sun. Ranmaru is blinded.

“—I’m okay.”

 

-

 

The next time QUARTET NIGHT comes together, the three tell Camus about Aine Kisaragi (and Ai also explains to Ranmaru that he had been with Otoya that day to start on their shuffle project with HEAVENS’ Van, although that plan had been altered in the end, which Ranmaru belatedly apologizes for). Reiji says to them that he doesn’t want to keep any more secrets, that this is a step for him to come terms with himself and for Aine.

Camus listens to the tale with rapt and mindful attention. It isn’t until the end of the story that he comments, “ _FICTION_. _NON-FICTION_.”

“Fiction?” Reiji and Ai repeats questioningly.

“Non-fiction?” Ranmaru quirks a brow.

“The titles of our new duet songs,” Camus says, arms folded across his chest. “Kotobuki has gotten out of his fantasy reverie of his past, with the help of the Kurosaki’s reality to move on from his past. That is the moral of all this that you three are telling me, is it not?”

Ai is levelheaded, as usual. But there is a small smile on him as he says, “That makes good, original concepts for our new songs.”

Ranmaru shrugs. “Guess that’s one way to put it.” 

Reiji laughs, but it isn’t the least bit mocking or humorous. It’s one that sounds as if the burden has been lifted from his shoulders, Ranmaru notes. As if Reiji finally letting go and allowing his past to no longer suffocate him is now added to another fond memory for their group.

“Yep,” Reiji agrees, laughter subsided to a teasing smile. “Didn’t know you had it in you, Myu-chan! You really must have be paying real close attention to us if you thought it through!”

“Your added comment was unnecessary, Kotobuki!”

Well, in the end things are the same. Which is good, because Reiji really does enjoy being an idol in QUARTET NIGHT. Ranmaru is certain that Ai and Camus will have no objections to being in this group in the future either. And Ranmaru, himself? 

Damn right he loves the thrill of being with these three lunatics. (And of course he doesn’t care much, as long as he is beside Reiji.)

**Author's Note:**

> please come talk to me about utapri on twitter @inlockets because i need friends


End file.
